About me.

1. American guy born in NYC and living in London since 1992.

2. Work mainly as a theatre director. Also have been known to take crap jobs to support myself at law firms, bars, banks, restaurants, telesales companies, taxi firms, a department store, a children's TV company and a taco restaurant called 'The Taco Maker'.

3. The taco restaurant (see above) was the first place I ever worked. When I quit and my boss refused to pay me, my father drove over there, went in and spoke to the manager for about 2 minutes, and came out with a cheque. I wanted to be as threatening as my father must have been when I grew up.

4. I have been out on dates with some British men but as a race they are all pretty odd. Their reserve and outright lying masked as politeness doesn't agree with me.

5. When I was 11 I shoplifted some rubber bands from Drug World in my hometown and was never caught.

6. My first crush was on a guy called Michael Dowd. It didn't bother me that he had a huge wart growing out of one of his nostrils at the beginning of the school year. Love is blind. He turned into a druggie in later years and by that point I didn't see the appeal.

7. I cannot eat raw tomatoes under any circumstances. They make me retch.

8. I once went to an Ethiopian restaurant in London and no silverware was provided - you eat everything with your hands. Regardless, this food made me ill about 12 hours later. Was it something on my hands?

9. I have a massive scar on my back (having a dodgy skin growth removed), by my right eye (slipping in the bath), two on my right arm (from chicken pox) and on my right leg (slamming it against the lip of a stage when I was directing something).  Now I have a new one under my left nipple after an operation to remove a strange lumpy thing.  When I saw what was taken out, I almost mistook it for the chest-bursting baby from ALIEN.

10. I once had a massive mutual flirty thing going on with a waiter in my favourite cafe for months. When I finally worked up the courage to ask him out, he politely refused. I then proceeded to send random romantic secret admirer notes for months, wondering if he would know it's me sending them. Then one day I went in and one of the other waiters told me that not only did that guy have a boyfriend but he was about to get married to him. I felt like a right cunt.

11. I want to live in Buenos Aires (for a short time, anyway)

12. I rarely use the word 'hate' to describe anybody but once I worked with a girl called Jennifer and if murder was legal I would have killed her without any remorse. She was one of those people that managed to fool everyone into thinking she was fun, efficient, and a hard worker, but in reality she was a spoiled daddy's girl who used to weigh the drugs she would sell on the postal scale and cry hysterically and have secret little conversations on the phone when I would tell her where to piss off. I got a huge promotion before she did and took pleasure in calling her asking her to order a cab for my meetings in the West End. Eventually she was fired and sued the company for unfair dismissal. And lost. MWAHAHAHAHA

13. I was the worst at sports in my entire school. When teams were being chosen, and I was the last one left, the captains would argue saying "I had him last time, you take him". No wonder I needed therapy.

14. I've broken my last mobile phone 4 times in 8 months.

15. I've never broken any major bones, just my toes on numerous occasions (because I'm clumsy)

16. I have a younger sister who lives in Vermont. She has a strange New England accent now (just like my strange proto-London accent)

17. I have a thing for Swedish guys. Though I'm not picky.